The “Travel” Channel
When did “The Travel Channel” turn into the “The Watch Guys Eat Tons of Disgusting Crap Channel”? Isn’t it supposed to be an entire network dedicated to the beauty of the world around us? Experiencing places we could never afford to go through the help of perky hosts? How about some shows featuring tropical paradise hotels or beaches with different colored sand, or even just footage of people sailing in front of sunsets? Nope. Instead, we get Anthony Bourdain chugging down fetal duck eggs and still-beating cobra hearts between packs of cigarettes. I get it; he’ll eat the shit I think is gross. Congratulations! Can I see how green and lush New Zealand is now? Why does everyone on the Travel Channel need to travel to The Guolizhuang, AKA The Penis Restaurant? They serve penises of donkey, yak, dog, tiger, snake and more! What, was The Great Wall closed?
Tony Bourdain is into all food, that’s his thing, cool. Then how about next time he goes to the beautifully bi-lingual Quebec he visits J. A. Moisan, the oldest grocery store in North America instead of ripping open a seal and eating it raw like he did the last time he went.
Andrew Zimmern of “”Bizarre Foods” with Andrew Zimmern” let us TV travel to the gorgeous and romantic Paris, France. Here, he spent his time eating Terrine, a meatloaf of chopped up organs from a barnyard of animals like pork, chicken and duck. Then, went on to sample the tripe version of Terrine. Just chill, slice and serve. Oh, by the way, the Eiffel Tower is right fucking behind you! Just turn around you bald douche bag, it’s lit up!! It’s beautiful and you’re eating cow stomach!
And then there’s Man V Food, a show about eating that would make Kobayashi change the channel. Here, host Adam Richman really looses up the term “travel” like when went to a restaurant in exotic Amarillo, Texas to complete the Big Texas Challenge, which consists of eating a bread roll with butter, baked potato, ranch beans, shrimp cocktail, and a salad. Oh, right and 72 ounces (4.5 lbs) of steak, in an hour. He won, in 29 minutes. Dude, nobody wants to see you eat that much and for sure nobody wants to see you do it in Amarillo Texas.
So, Travel Channel, put away the guinea pig, green iguana, chicken feet, cockroach, bull testicles, tarantula, baby mice, live mealworms, grasshoppers, lamb eyeballs and the disgustingly unspecific “blood soup” and pick up a Lonely Planet guide, there’s other things to do in these countries besides make me nauseous!
